I’m the most unhappy when things are about to go well.

I wish I could tell the person closest to me how messed up I really am.
I don’t want to be seen that way by the only person I truly care about.
Sigh. 

This is the quote I’m ending my 12 years of government schooling with:

“I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it.”

If highschool has taught me anything it’s that you’ll meet a few people you’ll know the rest of your life, no one remembers what you wore yesterday and I’m not invincible.

The fact you were at the show you knew I’d be at. To see a band you knew I’d grown to love too. Makes me angry and happy and sad all at the same time. I want to text you and ask you to get lunch/dinner with me. But I know you’ll ignore it. Or say no. I’m not sad about you, I just care, I miss your friendship.

I’m just so lonely.
Why haven’t I fallen in love yet?
Like fuck everyone.
I know that’s not the attitude to have.
But when I finally like someone, they end up being shitty.
And when I get into relationships, I end up hating the person.
I know it’s indirectly my fault, but why can’t someone change that?
Like be the exception and just do everything right?
I’m so over not having a real relationship.
I have Gina. But that only goes so far.
The one boy I loved, doesn’t love me anymore, and I don’t love him anymore.
I just need a change.

So I think I wanna get rid of the blonde underneath my hair and change it to ombré? From my natural brown to bleach blonde at the bottom, like the streaks are now.
Ideas? Comments? Help?

I don’t want to be covered in tattoos or piercings.
I want a few simple pieces that mean a lot to me.
I don’t want to be some super skinny girl in tight clothing.
I want to be healthy and have curves that someone will love.
I don’t want to wear so much make up I look like a drag queen.
I want to feel like my make up highlights my good features.

I’m tired of these girls all looking like they came out of a scene queen drag race.
Sorry, I know that some boys like it, and don’t get me wrong I think it’s pretty in a way.

I couldn’t do that much work to make myself all dolled up everyday. 
I use make up everyday, dye my hair, and have tattoos and piercings.
But there’s a point where it’s a bit much.
I don’t why I wanted to rant about this.
But yeah. 

Last night was one of my favorites.
Got off work early, went and sat at the bar with my boyfriend and split a pitcher. Made him go to the club with me. And then Gina got off work and we all went dancing and then Nate and I went home. It was just a simple, easy, carefree drunken night. I’m content.

My dad keeps calling me “freaky” because of my hair having blonde in it.
Will someone please tell him he’s wrong?

Hey anon who keeps sending me shit about my boyfriend:
Royally fuck off, you must be jealous because he’s with me now?
And he’s happy as shit with me.
I do him better than I’m guessing you even could because I’m with him now.
So go away, I couldn’t care less.

Why’re you so obsessed with telling me his sex life?
My sex life probably mirrors his in a sick way.

I wish you loved me no matter what.
We have a conditional love.
It’s so sad.
I’ll never be good enough.
Whatever, I’ll be going now. 

Can’t wait to go home.
Go over to Gina’s.
Then later see my absolutely wonderful boyfriend.
Next Big Thing tomorrow with Laura and Gina!
Then some more time with my boo.
Good weekend I hope.
Birthday is 6 days away~~

Man I wish I got anons once in awhile…

Unrelated, I think Gaga should marry Patrick Stump so they can have ridiculously talented children. They’re both 25 so I don’t see why not. That’s all.

I have the best bestfriend in the world.
I’m so incredibly lucky to have someone who gets me and accepts how fucking annoying I am.
I hope she knows how much I appreciate her! Gina, you da best ^.^

And I have the best boyfriend, I’ve never felt more cared about. Like he’s so happy to have me, and I feel like I matter to him. He’s easy to be with, he’s understanding and affectionate. He’s my opposite and challenges me. Too bad Nate doesn’t have a tumblr

You wouldn’t even give me five minutes today when I offered to come by and see you.
I realize now, you fucking used me. 
You used me to fall in love with.

I just want you with me.
I’m so selfish, I’m so sad and miserable.

You’re happy, I’m not. 
I’m just trying to surround myself with things that will make me happy.
Nothing’s making me happy. 

I had a dream that you were dying or dead today.
I woke up sobbing and crying, it scared the shit out of me.
I wanted to tell you, but you’d probably ignore it.
I don’t know who I am anymore, because this heartbreak has changed me so much.
I don’t get sad or depressed over anyone, never have before.
You wouldn’t really care if you knew how I was feeling, too stoned to care.

I want you to call me, ask about my life.
Still care, tell me you’ll always love me.
Be my friend.
You were always my friend, before and after everything, through and through.
Now I don’t know you.
Everyone else gets to see you, be your friend.
You still talk to them.
It’s like I’m some sick, sad part of your old life you don’t want anything to do with.

I wish everyone knew about this, someone needs to stick up for me.